She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
