Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
