I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
