I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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