i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
