Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
