I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
