Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
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There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
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They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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