I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
