if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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