So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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