Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Drunk is not a location!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
