I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
