Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
