haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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