Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
