Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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