You really coming over, don't trick.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
