She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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