took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
