That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
