I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
