she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
