He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
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Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
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Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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