How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
