What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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