Kiss
Puke
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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