That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
so much tequila, so little girl.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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