put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
only you would photoshop your dick
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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