But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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