just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
