My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
