I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
