I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
