Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
