I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize