is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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