eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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