I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize