you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
