Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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