if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
