Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
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I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
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He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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