If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
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I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
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They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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