fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
