I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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