ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
