why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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