you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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