I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
