he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
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Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
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It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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