I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Of course I have a pirate flag
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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