I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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