Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
