you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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