Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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