So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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