my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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