i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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