I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
