please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
