I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
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He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
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Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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