she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
