Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
