I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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