just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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