The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just high enough for therapy.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
