I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
